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"to those of you who have pushed me, thank you- without you i wouldn’t have fallen.
to those of you who laughed at me, thank you- without you i wouldn’t have cried.
to those of you who just couldn’t love me, thank you- without you i wouldn’t have known real love.
to those of you who hurt my feelings, thank you- without you i wouldn’t have felt them.
to those of you who left me lonely, thank you- without you i wouldn’t have discovered myself,
but it is to those of you who thought i couldn’t do it— it is to you i thank the most because, without you i wouldn’t have tried"

im not that great of a person, i make mistakes and i have regrets.
ok maybe my regrets aren't too apparent.
maybe i am just plain oblivious.
i laugh way too loud and things just seem to get to me.
basically, im saying that im not perfect, but when im with you, it doesn’t matter, because you just seem to make me smile.
you mean that much to me.
just one thing.
please don't take that smile away from me.

letting go is an act of acceptance, not a denial of what happened.
when you bring peace to the past, you can move forward to the future.

heh, easier said than done.

do you know that i love you.
you were always my hero.
i'll never forget your love.
i was your princess.
it just pains me to know it was just a thing of the past.
it's funny how i've tried so hard to defend you, but you remain oblivious.
it's painful how easy you are able to take me out of this comfort zone.
i've never hated you.
i was never taught to hate.
but honestly, i can never bring myself to respect you anymore.
neither can i say that i need you in life.

when i look at at old pictures, i feel so much love.
i feel whole again.
you lost me once, you're losing me twice.
i can never hug you the same way again.
i can never think of you the same way again.
i can never feel like your princess again.
i can never habour the fact that i've made you proud.
i can never need you like i did once before.

because you broke me dad.
you broke me, for good.

and hey, superman is not brave; you cannot be brave if you're indestructable.
it's the everyday people, like you and me that are brave; knowing that we could easily be defeated but still continue forward.


you know what is the sad thing about being a girl?
it is because of all the stereotypes and historical gender nonsense.

i love you.
we spend like a million moments together.
what are we?
boy - i dont know.
girl - im hoping for something.

well that's just a general thought.
i may be wrong. but i suppose the idea lingers.
weird. funny. true.

that is the sad thing about being a girl, you cant just walk to a guy and tell him to love you the way that you want him too.
you just have to wait for them to grow in their heart, in the right time.
but the other sad thing is, a girl will not always wait for a guy to appreciate her, they get tired too.
especially if you make her feel that she got no chance at all.
and if you dont love her back now, there is a change that she will find someone who will.
because she knows that she deserve someone, every girl deserve a guy who will treat her right.
but that itself, will take her forever.

because she's has met so many.
because she will meet many more.
but it's that one boy who struck her.
that one boy whom she grew hopes about.

the most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you,
it's when you can't understand yourself.

thank you for awesome friends. & to the one whom i wanna grow old with; thank you for always being around.

Labels: don't only wanna be gifted; but a gift (:

At some point we all make a bad decision, do something that harms another person, or cling to an outdated belief. When we do, we strive to reduce the cognitive dissonance that results from feeling that we, who are smart, moral, and right, just did something that was dumb, immoral, or wrong. Mistakes; most probably, just known as a common misunderstanding between two parties.

One would certainly not think too much of the mistakes made if it doesn't affect. Sadly, when the outcome of the mistake turns sour, it would not just affect the way you feel, but the things you do and the subsequent decisions you make. Many of us are victims of mistakes made by others. Be it a regular friend or someone who means the world to you.
Some of us actually make those mistakes.
Afew of us; we are the mistake.

Push those explainations aside, we're only human. And I know many of us would be humane enough to wanna correct these mistakes. But what happens when we're trying so hard, but we keep being pushed away? Try harder? Obviously. But til' when?

Whether the consequences are trivial or tragic, it is difficult, and for some people impossible, to say, “I made a terrible mistake.” The higher the stakes—emotional, financial, moral—the greater that difficulty. Self-justification, the screwed up shit that deludes us into thinking that everything will be alright in the morning, is something that lets us sleep at night and keeps us from torturing ourselves with regrets.

In our private lives, it can simply be the death of love.

Labels: what will we be if it aint for mistakes?

you know, everybody’s looking for something to blame because they don’t want to look inside themselves.

such a short and bold statement to mirror the almighty ego.
amidst your personal self-reflection, there's always this tiny voice that grumbles and debates.
blaming sometimes falls short.
blaming sometimes causes you to look like an egoistic wreck.
blaming sometimes is the hard way of putting across your arguement. it wasn't a matter of blaming to me.
neither was it a matter of resent.
it was simply a question of your sensitivity. well, and also my over-emotional deeds.
hug me, kiss me.
it isn't just a matter of the two in the situation and then you can simply back out.
nor is it a matter of you having to choose sides.
in the first place, the whole heartache rose for the fact that it was supposed to be a big day for you.
if it was any other person, i would not have cared so much.
it was simply because it was you.
and you simply said it isn't your problem?

think it through and true.
it wasn't my problem that you're unstable financially or in your career.
it wasn't my problem. but i still cared.

please.
learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had.

sometimes the things you want the most don’t happen and what you least expect happens.
i don’t know - you meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you.
and then you meet that one person and your life is changed.


..will there be a continuation after?
when you meet another person, and your life changes, again?


it annoys me that you seem so far away.
and the distance isn't helping make me feel better.

the thoughts of you and us floods my mind everyday and it disturbs me that you're not feeling the same.
assurance can sometimes be my downfall.
you know that.
and that can give you the upperhand.


i'm lonely.
why do you think i had to learn to act so independent?
i also get mad too quickly, and i hog the covers, and my left hand isn't as big as my right.
my hair has it's own zip code.
plus, i get certifiably crazy when i've got PMS.
you see, you don't love someone because they're perfect.
you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.


i'm still going through the motions of living this life.
basking in the sanity.
staying as rooted as ever to firmly believe of what im created to achieve.
it is easy.
it's about a girl who is on the cusp of becoming someone..
a girl who may not know what she wants right now, and she may not know who she is right now, but who deserves the chance to find out.

Labels: you do not need water to feel like you are drowning

a blessing is defined in the dictionary as "anything that gives happiness"...
so let's start with that.

life itself is a mixed blessing; which we vainly try to unmix.
very often, we try to sip out and categorise these events.
we would then smile at what has occurred and then dwell on the things that didn't meet our expectations.

i'm very good at reminding others to "go with the flow" and to "live in the now." but, i will just as quickly admit doing so is easier said than done.
maybe who we are isn't so much about what we do, but rather what we're capable of when we least expect it

i would say, that the new year isn't a big thing.
it may be special for some.
it may bring certain forms of hope for others.
but honestly, it's just another day.
it's another day of meeting expectations that havent been met.
it's another day of surviving the wild world.
it's another day to show to the world that your existence is worthy(:

one month into the new year and thank the one above for all the littlest blessings.
for friends i've learnt to cherish.
for a special someone i've learnt to appreciate.
for a settling family.
for still letting me feel the love of my amazing parents.
each day that passes seems better. seems satisfying, no matter what it may bring.
because sometimes, i've learnt, that the reality do not allow you to change the hurricane; you just gotta leant to stay out of its path.

rekindling friendships and family ties are the bestest things in the world.
these people are the basis of happiness in life.
you're are never alone in life, and i've been taught that.
somehow, somewhere, there's always someone who is willing to take the trouble to be with you.
to make sure you are well.
or best of all, to assist deluding you that you are well.
schools always teach us to not lie.
but they also always remind us to make the people around us feel better(:

moving on, i would love to thank you for not getting off my back after the turmoil we were in.
for the one with too many coincedences, thank you for such exact randomness.
its weird how those random calls could be a life-saver for me.
and it's all the same. when i see you, i see my moment of truth.

numbers make sense. you cannot say the same about people.

i love you, but i was never in love with you.
we laugh, we cry. we scream, we gag. we love, we annoy.
the hard part is i never wanna be apart as i get older.
i always want you to stay put. to not leave. to not judge me.
i want you to be a constant in my life.
it's just as tough for me to have to keep trying to please.
it hurts when all i feel when i get back is some negative aura.
i want a home. not a house.
i need us to not argue, to not fight, to work things out.
because i only have you.
i want you.
i need you.
just as much as you need me too.

living with regrets is like driving a car that only moves in reverse((:

i still havent seen the mistake.
i havent figured what seemed too right for me to have chosen you..
but push those curiousity aside, i've never regretted.
instead i've always wanna gear forward. together or as an individual.

you know how come i can't stay mad for long?
it's because you never blow off your top.
im gulible. im slow. im whiny. im self-centered.
but when i see you do things.
i see the pain in your eyes.
i see how much determination you have to stay clam and make me feel better.
i see the way to move yourself.
i see the way your lips tensed with the soft grin.
and if any, i see the ring on your finger and how religiously you're willing to wear it.
and i think; he doesn't deserve this.
if he is willing to try his best, he deserves me at my best as well.

please tell me that your best will always be good enough.
no please don't tell me.
please show me.
please show me that there'll never be a moment of regret.

sometimes when you think you've lost, you actually wind up coming out far ahead(:

xoxo, bangs. i know((: heh!

Labels: a human heart is just a simple self

this is life. people will screw you over.

you'll fight with your family.

you'll witness things that will change you forever.

you'll blame new lovers for things old lovers did.

you'll lose bestfriends whom you thought will always be there.

you'll come to realise that everyone has a past.

you'll cry, you'll laugh, and you'll embarrass yourself.

but somehow, you'll then find your very own moment where none of that matters; where you can sit back and realise that shit happens to the people who can handle it and that this is who you are, and that no one should want to change you, no even yourself.

blatantly, you'll never know how much you've done til you get hurt.

you'll never know how much it hurts til the other party becomes all insensitive or oblivious.

humans' expectations actually.

prolly only just female's high expectations of what they actually want out of the other species.

they hope, they assume, & commonly, they get hurt.

dumb.

so moving on, i think generally everyone has a different purpose in life.

or rather, everyone has different goals; be it long or short term.

i suppose it prolly changes with time.

i wanted to be a president in kindergarden.

then i was influenced to being a financial consultant when i learnt abacus in primary 2.

3 years later, i was set to being a news reporter. reading aloud & acing orals.

life was simple huh.

then i sort of grew up. or, grew naive.

i figured i wouldnt be fucken rich if i worked for people.

so i wanna be a business woman.

an entrpreneur. have an awesome business idea and soar to the sky..

eventually, i aimed to audition for theater performances, getting paid for being glee!

then i wanna be in the top management in an awesome bank.

then im settling for playing with stocks.

earning while being comfy at any place.

i know.

i've learnt.

sometimes you expect a little too much. you can wish but you cannot expect.

you hope for a forever blissful family.

you expect your perfect soul-mate to gallop down the hallway with a shiny white stallion and rescue you from life's tortures.

you believe in happy endings.

but how can any endings be a happy one?

whats life without problems?

if we never had bad days, how would we have good days?

if life was perfect, there wouldn't be erasers, or kissing and making up.

you've just gotta learn to deal with what's thrown at you and remember that no matter how hard life may seem, there's always someone worse off than you.

it's tiring to go through the motions of life.

the same exact routines.

day in and day out.

hoping for a change. wishing for a change.

but ironically being afraid of change itself.

just be thankful in life, no matter how unfair it gets.

be it a situation.

be it a feeling.

be it because of a person.

so somehow, one day, you eventually do not have to come to realisation;

that the other party never did care or that they eventually stopped.

Labels: so what happens to the things that you cannot change?

you've gotta love something too much to get hurt real badly, quickly.

you're gonna to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. but in the end, its always their actions you should judge them by.

its actions, not words, that matter.

there are just too many things in the world to trigger the comparison compartment in your head.

be it from the food you eat, to the clothes you wear, to the love you share.

i think tolerance is an important thing for one to uphold.

or maybe, expectations are just a fcked-up deal.

are you truly kidding me?

my eyes would never be as shiny as those pretty stars.

my hair was never prefect.

and no, i do not receive compliments on being beautiful everyday.

that itself suggests two things; either im plainly not or someone is lying when he says that.

maybe there isnt anything that you would wanna change about me, because you simply cannot do so.

maybe the only reason you can't stop staring at my smile is simply because its the most honest and sincere smile you've ever seen, but your ego deters you from saying anything but just stare..

and my laugh? its prolly just infectious.

i dont even think you think its sexy.

i don't even think i am perfect.

i don't even think i am amazing.

i think there are a million things that you might want me to change but you're just putting up a front.

so lets just stay and wait for the outcome.

then again, everything described were part of my physical presence.

don't i make any internal impact to you at all?

not even to discuss my perceptions for your future?

when i think of what i'll be without you, there's a loud voice within thinking what you would have been without me instead.

thanks for making me realise that the popular song for the moment makes no sense in my life.

im such a moron for doing this.

because i am never amazing just the way i am.

Labels: maybe i was never amazing just the way i am

just when you think it can't get any worse, it can.

and just as you think it can't get any better, it can.

i just think that growing up, one should know how to view matters from various point of views.

one should also put a limit on negativity.

life has been good. abit monotonous.

its good on stability.

but i suppose, after a period of time, you just need something different.

i used to love routined-days. knowing what to expect, positive of how to handle.

but now, it could simply kill.

i need something new.

school&dance&cheer&friends&shopping.

work&school&work&school.

i've always loved growing up.

please life, don't take that away from me.

when you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realise that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through.

in regards of the death of minister mentor lee kwan yew's wife, i can't help but shed a tear.

yes, i seem to have a load of emotional baggage.

don't ask why.

but let's look at it this way, she must have been a super proud and satisfied woman.

one who i would look up to.

one's life in which i would wanna live in.

nevermind that she is the wife and a mother to ministers, but in accordance to what was in store for her in her life, she did it well.

she seemed so thoughtful whenever she is around her husband.

"behind every successful man, there's a great woman"

and i bet you, she is it.

looking at them in those black and white pictures.

and looking at them growing old in the pictures...

((: i want a life like that.

i want a life filled with bittersweet memories.

to spend it with someone who is willing to accompany me through my life.

to succeed together.

to never break me.

to grow old with me, and still hold hands when we walk down the streets.

i want to be able to look into my future, and smile..

because i can see you there, smiling like we do now, only older.

its because i want it to be you.

only, you.

you are like my best friend as well as my lover, and i do not know which side of you i enjoy the most.
i treasure each side, just as much as how i treasure the person himself((:

Labels: nothing that is worthwhile is ever easy; lets remember that